June 5, 2440 Morning in Missouri
FROM THE DESK OF MALL KERR, Deputy Assistant to Angelina Reyes, Freehold Director of Strategic Whoop Ass
(Transcribed directly from a Reyes household laundry room, in haste and mid-socks.)
“The Freehold Youth Delegation remains vigorously alive, remarkably dressed, and in possession of all limbs.
While we do not publicly comment on spontaneous displays of spine, style, or soft-shogunate energy, we have received multiple compliments on Kevin Wood’s hair. These compliments have been noted and filed under ‘Victory.’
Ms. Sael Thron remains her own sovereign entity and is legally allowed to speak both truth and fashion sense simultaneously. We have checked.
Ms. Chem Corvos continues to radiate controlled chaos and has been offered six internships by fashion houses, three of which are real.
We remind all media outlets that none of the delegation is legally old enough to rent a car. Please adjust your hero worship accordingly.
The delegation has not yet caused a diplomatic incident, though they have caused at least one diplomatic influence campaign. That is within tolerance.
Future statements will be released in triplicate, sealed with cherry mash, and shouted from the roof of the community center during Tai Chi.
Respectfully,
Mall Kerr
Deputy Assistant to the Executive Assistant to the Director of Communications
(Pronouns: perfectly matched to mood)
(Typing speed: devastatingly fast)
(Authority level: legally ambiguous)
June 5, 2440 Late Afternoon in Missouri
FROM THE DESK OF MALL KERR, Deputy Assistant to Angelina Reyes, Freehold Director of Sarcasm and Shame
*Clarification Re: Tongues, Fashion, and the Visibility of Cheekbones*
“We the undersigned acknowledge that hickeys are a personal matter, that the
delegation has not violated the known laws of God or man, and that the Japanese
tea Kevin acquired remains intact. Let the record show we blame Y’kem.
Probably. Unless further data suggests it was Chem. This concludes our
public-facing nonsense for today. Now go touch grass.”
—Mall Kerr,
Deputy Assistant to Angelina Reyes
(Withdrawing future statements until someone brings her a damn peach soda)
