HOLDING HANDS. IN PUBLIC. SOMEHOW WE WILL SURVIVE.
By Lena Ortiz | The Columbia Sidewalk
Saturday, May 19, 2440
Photo: Matthew Marmaduke and T’mari walking hand in hand through a Columbia park.
Yesterday, we had family photographs.
Today, we have a walk in the park.
Matthew Marmaduke, whose current collection of titles requires more space than my apartment’s kitchen, spent part of Saturday afternoon holding T’mari’s hand beneath the sycamores in Columbia.
She wore jeans, high-tops and a University of Missouri shirt. He wore a pale blue polo and the expression of a man who was enjoying whatever she had just said.
Behind them, a grill cart was smoking. Families were walking past. Someone at a picnic table appeared considerably more interested in lunch.
Columbia continues to cope.
Yes, I know people want an announcement. They want a name for the relationship, a timetable, perhaps a diagram explaining how everyone fits into the family.
I have no announcement to offer.
I have a photograph of two people holding hands, laughing and looking at each other when there were plenty of other things to look at.
After the kitchen pictures, the family gathering and the pickup photograph, this hardly qualifies as a shocking revelation. It does, however, make the increasingly elaborate explanations that they are simply standing unusually close for administrative reasons rather difficult to maintain.
My favorite detail is her shirt.
Somewhere between arriving from another civilization and becoming a familiar face beside Missouri’s most discussed man, T’mari acquired Missouri college apparel.
We can argue about who introduced whom to what.
The shirt suggests Columbia has been making introductions of its own.
Selected comments
- @TmarisSneakers: THE HANDHOLDING. THE MATCHING STRIDE. I need everyone to understand that I am being very normal about this.
- @RoommateOfTmarisSneakers: You have sent me this photograph eleven times.
- @TmarisSneakers: Twelve. Check again.
- @RoommateOfTmarisSneakers: I live across the hall. Stop sending it and come eat.
- @TmarisSneakers: Twelve. Check again.
- @RoommateOfTmarisSneakers: You have sent me this photograph eleven times.
- @TigerTownGrandma: Sensible shoes. Shade. A nice young man carrying on a conversation. Good afternoon.
- @HistoryMajorComo: “Young man” is doing some work there.
- @TigerTownGrandma: I am older than he is.
- @HistoryMajorComo: Then I withdraw my objection.
- @TigerTownGrandma: I am older than he is.
- @HistoryMajorComo: “Young man” is doing some work there.
- @BlackAndGoldForever: She has chosen a university. Diplomatic relations with Kansas have deteriorated.
- @JayhawkInExile: We have done nothing to deserve this.
- @BlackAndGoldForever: That has never been a requirement.
- @JayhawkInExile: Finally, an honest Missouri statement.
- @BlackAndGoldForever: That has never been a requirement.
- @JayhawkInExile: We have done nothing to deserve this.
- @ParkBenchDad: We were there. My daughter noticed her shoes before she noticed she was V’ren.
- @HighTopCollector: Your daughter has priorities.
- @ParkBenchDad: She wanted to know whether they came in her size.
- @HighTopCollector: Civilization is proceeding nicely.
- @ParkBenchDad: She wanted to know whether they came in her size.
- @HighTopCollector: Your daughter has priorities.
- @ColumbiaAfterHours: He looks younger when he laughs.
- @CountyLineCoffee: Most people look better when nobody is asking them to solve six emergencies.
- @ColumbiaAfterHours: Someone should prescribe him more walks.
- @CountyLineCoffee: Good luck getting the emergencies to respect office hours.
- @ColumbiaAfterHours: Someone should prescribe him more walks.
- @CountyLineCoffee: Most people look better when nobody is asking them to solve six emergencies.
- @DefineTheRelationship: Are we still pretending we don’t know they’re together?
- @LenaOnTheSidewalk: You can recognize affection without knowing what they call the relationship.
- @DefineTheRelationship: I would still like to hear her answer.
- @LenaOnTheSidewalk: So would I. She gets to decide whether to give one.
- @DefineTheRelationship: I would still like to hear her answer.
- @LenaOnTheSidewalk: You can recognize affection without knowing what they call the relationship.
- @FreeholdPorch: We have now reached the alarming stage where Matt has a Saturday.
- @SalineCountyMechanic: Give it twenty minutes. Someone will bring him a broken pump.
- @FreeholdPorch: While he is holding her hand?
- @SalineCountyMechanic: They will start with “Sorry to bother you.”
- @FreeholdPorch: While he is holding her hand?
- @SalineCountyMechanic: Give it twenty minutes. Someone will bring him a broken pump.
- @PublicImageWatch: This is excellent publicity whether anyone arranged it or not.
- @ComoCameraClub: Agreed. That doesn’t tell us whether anyone arranged it.
- @PublicImageWatch: You think powerful people don’t understand photographs?
- @ComoCameraClub: I think understanding photographs still leaves room to enjoy a walk.
- @PublicImageWatch: You think powerful people don’t understand photographs?
- @ComoCameraClub: Agreed. That doesn’t tell us whether anyone arranged it.
- @WhoPaidForTheShirt: University trustee’s companion wearing university merchandise. Convenient.
- @CampusBookshopRegular: You have uncovered the purpose of university merchandise.
- @WhoPaidForTheShirt: Everything becomes a joke when it involves him.
- @CampusBookshopRegular: You opened an investigation into a T-shirt.
- @WhoPaidForTheShirt: Everything becomes a joke when it involves him.
- @CampusBookshopRegular: You have uncovered the purpose of university merchandise.
- @CrownAndCollateral: A king parading his alien girlfriend through a city where he already has four votes. Subtle.
- @FortySixOtherSeats: Those four votes do not govern this footpath.
- @CrownAndCollateral: Keep pretending the money and influence disappear outside his borders.
- @FortySixOtherSeats: They don’t. You can discuss them without making handholding a municipal offense.
- @CrownAndCollateral: Keep pretending the money and influence disappear outside his borders.
- @FortySixOtherSeats: Those four votes do not govern this footpath.
FIRST CONTACT HAS REACHED THE KABOB CART
By Marcus Bell | Lunch Within Walking Distance
Saturday, May 19, 2440
Photo: Matt and T’mari eating kabobs beside a park grill cart.
I run a local food blog.
For the past several days, this has been an increasingly difficult distinction to maintain.
People have asked whether V’ren customers will change Columbia’s restaurants, whether alien tastes will influence local menus and whether the arrival of extraterrestrial civilization means I should expand my coverage.
Today, Matthew Marmaduke and T’mari provided a practical answer.
They bought food from a cart and ate it standing up.
The photograph gives us two skewers, two paper trays and two people smiling around their lunch. T’mari appears to have grasped the essential difficulty of food on a stick: eventually, you must commit to an angle.
Marmaduke seems to be having the same problem.
This pleases me. I have ruined enough clean shirts to resent anyone who makes this look dignified.
I cannot identify their exact orders from the photograph. Anyone announcing a definitive list of T’mari’s favorite Earth foods on this evidence is getting ahead of lunch.
What I can identify is the setting. Smoke coming off the grill. People waiting nearby. A shady place to stand. Food that does not require a reservation or an explanation of the cutlery.
Columbia has spent generations feeding students, visiting families, tradespeople, professors and people who insist they are only stopping for something small before ordering enough for three.
We now have another group of customers.
Some will like the sauce. Some will ask for more heat. Some will come back for the same thing every Saturday until the vendor starts their order before they reach the cart.
I would very much like to interview the cook.
My first question will concern the marinade.
My second will concern how much stock they have left, because this photograph is about to make tomorrow complicated.
Selected comments
- @SkewerStan: This is the most important first-contact photograph yet published.
- @OrbitalArchivist: There are photographs of the actual ships.
- @SkewerStan: Can you eat those?
- @OrbitalArchivist: I concede that the archive requires multiple categories.
- @SkewerStan: Can you eat those?
- @OrbitalArchivist: There are photographs of the actual ships.
- @SauceOnMySleeve: Both wearing clean shirts while eating kabobs. Reckless confidence.
- @WhiteShirtWidower: The pale blue polo is a cry for help.
- @SauceOnMySleeve: One escaping piece of onion and it is over.
- @WhiteShirtWidower: I have lost good clothing to less.
- @SauceOnMySleeve: One escaping piece of onion and it is over.
- @WhiteShirtWidower: The pale blue polo is a cry for help.
- @ComoLunchBreak: Please ask whether they do lunch catering.
- @MarcusEatsComo: That question is already on my list.
- @ComoLunchBreak: Put it above the marinade.
- @MarcusEatsComo: You are asking me to compromise my professional standards.
- @ComoLunchBreak: Put it above the marinade.
- @MarcusEatsComo: That question is already on my list.
- @ActuallyVren: I appreciate that your report did not require us to have a ceremonial opinion about grilled meat.
- @MarcusEatsComo: Have you got a nonceremonial opinion?
- @ActuallyVren: More of it would be welcome.
- @MarcusEatsComo: An excellent interview. Thank you for your time.
- @ActuallyVren: More of it would be welcome.
- @MarcusEatsComo: Have you got a nonceremonial opinion?
- @DateNightBudget: You mean we can take someone important somewhere without booking a private dining room?
- @MarriedThirtyYears: You can also ask where they want to eat.
- @DateNightBudget: That sounds dangerously straightforward.
- @MarriedThirtyYears: It has saved me a considerable amount of money.
- @DateNightBudget: That sounds dangerously straightforward.
- @MarriedThirtyYears: You can also ask where they want to eat.
- @GreenGirlSummer: She looks as if she is having a wonderful time.
- @LunchIsPersonal: Good company improves a meal.
- @GreenGirlSummer: The kabob also looks persuasive.
- @LunchIsPersonal: I would hear its argument.
- @GreenGirlSummer: The kabob also looks persuasive.
- @LunchIsPersonal: Good company improves a meal.
- @FoodSafetyFrank: Why are they standing right next to the cart to eat?
- @ParkCartVeteran: Because that is where the food was when they bought it.
- @FoodSafetyFrank: There are tables.
- @ParkCartVeteran: You are welcome to submit a seating plan.
- @FoodSafetyFrank: There are tables.
- @ParkCartVeteran: Because that is where the food was when they bought it.
- @VendorEconomics: If that sign is readable in the original, the owner is about to have a very good week.
- @SmallBusinessComo: And a very expensive restocking bill.
- @VendorEconomics: Better order early.
- @SmallBusinessComo: Better call whoever was supposed to have Sunday off.
- @VendorEconomics: Better order early.
- @SmallBusinessComo: And a very expensive restocking bill.
- @AuthenticityPolice: Nothing says ordinary working man like a billionaire buying street food for the cameras.
- @MarcusEatsComo: The food remains available to billionaires. I checked the menu.
- @AuthenticityPolice: You know what I mean.
- @MarcusEatsComo: Yes. I still need evidence before I describe a purchase as a performance.
- @AuthenticityPolice: You know what I mean.
- @MarcusEatsComo: The food remains available to billionaires. I checked the menu.
- @EarthForEarthlings: Wonder how long before all our food has to change for them.
- @SameCartSameLunch: They appear to be eating what the cart already sells.
- @EarthForEarthlings: Give it time.
- @SameCartSameLunch: I intend to. There is a queue.
- @EarthForEarthlings: Give it time.
- @SameCartSameLunch: They appear to be eating what the cart already sells.
THE HIGH LORD IS ON BAG DUTY
By Priya Desai | Between the Columns
Saturday, May 19, 2440
Photo: T’mari eating an ice cream cone while walking hand in hand with Matt, who carries a red-and-yellow shopping bag.
There are several ways to read today’s third photograph of Matthew Marmaduke and T’mari.
The romantics will notice their joined hands.
The fashion accounts will identify the shoes.
The university accounts have already claimed the shirt.
I noticed the bag.
She has the ice cream. He has the bag. His attention is on her, while hers is briefly occupied by the more urgent business of preventing dessert from melting.
It is a pleasingly familiar division of labor.
By this evening, someone will have described the picture as proof of Marmaduke’s essential goodness. Someone else will call it a calculated attempt to distract us from the concentration of political and commercial authority around him.
Neither conclusion can be established by a shopping bag.
His four Columbia Collective seats still warrant scrutiny. His position as a neighboring sovereign still complicates local dealings. His responsibilities within the V’ren Trust still deserve clear reporting.
Those stories will require documents, questions and answers.
This photograph offers something else: a glimpse of two recognizable people enjoying an afternoon in a public place.
That matters, too, though on a smaller scale.
T’mari has become a frequent subject of commentary without acquiring much room to be an ordinary participant in her own pictures. Every smile becomes a diplomatic signal. Every touch becomes evidence for a theory about Matt.
Here she has an ice cream cone.
I do not know the flavor. I do not know what she said to him before the shutter clicked. I do not know what is in the bag.
I hope someone eventually interviews her about Columbia and allows her answers to concern things she has actually seen, eaten, liked or disliked.
Until then, I am prepared to report that she seems comfortable holding his hand.
He seems happy to have it.
And whatever the arrangement between them, he has accepted responsibility for the shopping.
Selected comments
- @BagDutyBeliever: Find someone who looks at you like Matt looks at her ice cream.
- @ConeForensics: He is looking at her.
- @BagDutyBeliever: I believe in leaving room for both.
- @ConeForensics: A sound approach to dessert and relationships.
- @BagDutyBeliever: I believe in leaving room for both.
- @ConeForensics: He is looking at her.
- @TmarisFanClub: She gets the cone. She gets the hand. He carries the bag. Excellent afternoon management.
- @DomesticOperations: Efficient allocation of available hands.
- @TmarisFanClub: Romance through logistics.
- @DomesticOperations: Missouri was always going to get there eventually.
- @TmarisFanClub: Romance through logistics.
- @DomesticOperations: Efficient allocation of available hands.
- @ComoMotherOfFour: The person without the melting food carries the shopping. This is basic household competence.
- @DadWithTheBags: Finally, recognition for my profession.
- @ComoMotherOfFour: You also have three jackets and somebody’s half-empty drink.
- @DadWithTheBags: I was hoping not to be promoted today.
- @ComoMotherOfFour: You also have three jackets and somebody’s half-empty drink.
- @DadWithTheBags: Finally, recognition for my profession.
- @LetHerTalk: Thank you for remembering she might have opinions beyond “Matt is wonderful.”
- @PriyaBetweenColumns: I would read a piece about what she thinks of this city.
- @LetHerTalk: Including what she finds irritating.
- @PriyaBetweenColumns: Especially if it is one of our cherished local habits.
- @LetHerTalk: Including what she finds irritating.
- @PriyaBetweenColumns: I would read a piece about what she thinks of this city.
- @TigerTownShoes: Those high-tops have now appeared in three photographs. She came prepared to walk.
- @HeelRegret: As someone currently carrying my shoes, I respect her.
- @TigerTownShoes: Where are you?
- @HeelRegret: Farther from the car than I intended.
- @TigerTownShoes: Where are you?
- @HeelRegret: As someone currently carrying my shoes, I respect her.
- @ActualMunicipalNerd: Appreciated the distinction between a pleasant photograph and evidence about governance.
- @CouncilChamberGhost: We can enjoy this and still ask difficult questions on Monday.
- @ActualMunicipalNerd: A startling proposal for the comments section.
- @CouncilChamberGhost: I expect it to be voted down.
- @ActualMunicipalNerd: A startling proposal for the comments section.
- @CouncilChamberGhost: We can enjoy this and still ask difficult questions on Monday.
- @JustAskingElla: Are we ever going to hear what L’tani thinks about all these pictures?
- @PorchlightReader: Has she said she wants to discuss them with you?
- @JustAskingElla: People are allowed to ask questions.
- @PorchlightReader: And the person you keep asking about is allowed to leave you wondering.
- @JustAskingElla: People are allowed to ask questions.
- @PorchlightReader: Has she said she wants to discuss them with you?
- @FollowTheBag: What is in the shopping bag?
- @PriyaBetweenColumns: That remains beyond the scope of my investigation.
- @FollowTheBag: You cannot abandon the public at this critical moment.
- @PriyaBetweenColumns: I will endure the loss of confidence.
- @FollowTheBag: You cannot abandon the public at this critical moment.
- @PriyaBetweenColumns: That remains beyond the scope of my investigation.
- @PowerDoesntTakeWeekends: The friendly photographs are part of how public figures make themselves harder to challenge.
- @LocalPaperReader: Sometimes. What challenge has this photograph stopped you making?
- @PowerDoesntTakeWeekends: Look at the replies whenever anyone raises his influence.
- @LocalPaperReader: Then argue the influence. You will have a stronger case than arguing he should not carry a bag.
- @PowerDoesntTakeWeekends: Look at the replies whenever anyone raises his influence.
- @LocalPaperReader: Sometimes. What challenge has this photograph stopped you making?
- @AlienQueenWatch: Shirt, boyfriend, shopping trip. She seems to have acquired Earth rather quickly.
- @ColumbiaResident88: You have described a Saturday.
- @AlienQueenWatch: Keep laughing when she is telling everyone what to do.
- @ColumbiaResident88: At present, the ice cream appears to be setting the schedule.
- @AlienQueenWatch: Keep laughing when she is telling everyone what to do.
- @ColumbiaResident88: You have described a Saturday.
