V’ren Captain Jokes About Marmaduke’s Duties as Questions of Accountability Mount
May 9, 2440 6:00 AM
Questions surrounding Matthew Johnathan Boone Marmaduke’s rapidly expanding authority took an unusual turn yesterday when Captain K’rem T’all publicly dismissed concerns about the Amazon executive assuming additional responsibilities because he wanted his “darts partner” available next week.
The exchange followed renewed speculation that Marmaduke, already sovereign Freeholder of a substantial Missouri territory, Amazon’s Director of Alien Affairs, and the V’ren-selected commercial liaison to Earth, could seek additional authority within Amazon.
Marmaduke rejected speculation that he might pursue Amazon CEO Adrian Kallos’s position:
“For Adrian’s job? Ain’t no fucking way. I already have too many jobs.”
Captain T’all replied:
“He does not need more work. I need my darts partner unbusy next week.”
The remark has generated criticism among governance scholars who argue that relationships governing first contact are becoming dangerously informal.
Dr. Elise Van Dorn of the Europa Institute for Democratic Administration described the exchange as “an alarming collapse of institutional seriousness.”
“These are individuals negotiating access to extraterrestrial technology, commercial agreements worth potentially trillions, territorial questions, migration, and the future relationship between two species,” Van Dorn said. “They should not sound like members of a neighborhood pub league.”
Others pointed to T’all’s remark as further evidence of the unusually close personal relationship developing between senior V’ren leadership and Marmaduke, and questioned whether other Earth governments can expect equivalent access.
Neither Amazon nor the V’ren Trust has announced any review of Marmaduke’s overlapping responsibilities.
Captain T’all has not disclosed when or where the anticipated darts match will occur.
Missouri responds
- @MarshallMOP: “Captain T’all has not disclosed when or where the anticipated darts match will occur.” Thank God somebody is finally asking the important questions.
- @SalineCountyFeed
- Europa has discovered that senior government officials sometimes have hobbies. This Thursday, Matt is in a Skeeball tournament. Please adjust your threat assessments accordingly.
- @MizzouGirl2440: “They should not sound like members of a neighborhood pub league.” – Why not? Seriously, why does being responsible for important things mean you have to become boring?
- @FreeholdLocal: “Unusually close personal relationship.” We have a word for that here. Friend.
- @CCAWatch: Wait until Europa learns the Freeholder is playing competitive Skeeball this Thursday. First contact may never recover.
- @BeerSlingerBarandGrill: We cannot confirm Captain T’all’s darts plans. We can confirm that betting on Matt’s Skeeball performance has already become irresponsible.
- @MarshallTeacher: The funniest part of this is that they think K’rem saying he wants his friend free to play darts somehow compromises international relations. People who work together are allowed to like each other.
- @RinaV2440: BREAKING:
Alien captain wants friend to have free time.
Human political theory collapses. - @ColumbiaLocal: Everyone trying to figure out whether the mysterious “next Thursday” is some secret V’ren summit can relax. Marmaduke is in Columbia all day next Thursday. We already knew that.
- @MarshallMOP: For everyone now messaging us: No, Skeeball does not require a permit. No, interspecies darts does not require a permit. No, we are not investigating either one. Stop.
- @KremTall: This Thursday is Skeeball. Next Thursday, he is in Columbia all day. I said next week. I am aware of his schedule
Europa Civic Journal
Why Does a V’ren Captain Know Matthew Marmaduke’s Schedule?
May 9, 2440 12:00 PM
What began as an apparently trivial exchange about darts has raised a more serious question concerning the increasingly close relationship between Matthew Johnathan Boone Marmaduke and senior V’ren leadership.
After commentators questioned when Captain K’rem T’all expected to play darts with Marmaduke, T’all responded publicly:
“This Thursday is Skeeball. Next Thursday he is in Columbia all day. I said next week. I am aware of his schedule.”
The response immediately prompted questions about precisely how aware.
Marmaduke is simultaneously Freeholder, Amazon Director of Alien Affairs, and the V’ren-selected commercial liaison. His calendar therefore potentially contains sensitive corporate meetings, diplomatic contacts, movements, security arrangements, and private appointments.
It is unclear whether Captain T’all has direct access to Marmaduke’s scheduling systems, receives briefings from his staff, or simply maintains frequent personal contact with him.
Neither Amazon nor the Freehold has explained the arrangement.
Critics argue that the distinction matters.
If a senior V’ren officer has routine knowledge of the Amazon Director of Alien Affairs’ movements and appointments, questions about information compartmentalization may no longer be theoretical.
Captain T’all has not responded to requests for clarification.
He has, however, continued posting.
- @GlobalSecurityWatch: The darts are irrelevant. Why does Captain K’rem T’all know where Amazon’s Director of Alien Affairs will be a week from now. That is a legitimate security question.
- @FreeholdLocal: Because he asked Matt if he was free to play darts. Hope this helps.
- @EuropaPolicy; People are laughing, but “I am aware of his schedule” is a remarkable thing for a foreign military officer to say about a senior Amazon government official.
- @MarshallTeacher: You guys are going to lose your minds when you discover friends sometimes say “what are you doing Thursday?”
- @AmazonInsider: Would actually like to know whether K’rem has access to Marmaduke’s calendar.
- @MattMarmaduke: So would I. If he does, somebody needs to show me how to access the damned thing.
- @KremTall: I ask Angelina.
- @EuropaCivic: Excuse me?
- @PamMarmaduke:
OH NO.
HE KNOWS THE SECRET.
ASK THE WOMAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHERE MATT IS SUPPOSED TO BE.- @AngelinaReyes: I am supposed to keep track of him?
- @MarshallMOP: We strongly advise the international press against beginning an investigation into Angelina Reyes’s calendar management. For your own wellbeing.
- @AngelinaReyes: I am supposed to keep track of him?
- @MattMarmaduke: So would I. If he does, somebody needs to show me how to access the damned thing.
- @GlobalSecurityWatch: So a V’ren captain obtains the movements of Amazon’s Director of Alien Affairs from a senior Freehold administrator? How is this supposed to make the situation better?
- @SalineCountyFeed: You keep describing normal friendships like you’re uncovering a spy ring.
- @WorldPoliticsToday: Captain T’all, how much of Marmaduke’s schedule do you actually know?
- @KremTall: Enough. Just wait until you find out what we are all doing Friday.
- @KennerRoxas: Saturday someone will find a copy of Last Friday Night by Katy Perry
- @KremTall: Enough. Just wait until you find out what we are all doing Friday.
- @EuropaBreaking: WHAT HAPPENS FRIDAY?
- @RobertLee: I am begging international media to learn patience. Friday is approximately one day away.
- @RinaV2440: EUROPA HAS ACTIVATED DEFCON DARTS.
- @MarshallMOP: We do not know what Captain T’all means by Friday. We are not asking. We have learned.
- @MattMarmaduke: K’rem.
- @KremTall: Yes?
- @MattMarmaduke: Stop helping.
- @KremTall: No. That would take all the fun out of Tyler’s day.No. That would take all the fun out of Tyler’s day.
- @TylerAnderson: Party on Wayne!
- @KremTall: Party in Garth!
- @TylerAnderson: Party on Wayne!
- @KremTall: No. That would take all the fun out of Tyler’s day.No. That would take all the fun out of Tyler’s day.
- @MattMarmaduke: Stop helping.
- @KremTall: Yes?
Europa Civic Journal
V’ren Captain Says He Gets Marmaduke’s Schedule From His Household Administrator
May 9, 2440 2:30 PM
Questions over information security surrounding Amazon Director of Alien Affairs Matthew Johnathan Boone Marmaduke deepened today after Captain K’rem T’all identified Angelina Reyes as a source of information about Marmaduke’s movements.
T’all had previously drawn attention by demonstrating detailed knowledge of Marmaduke’s schedule, including a Skeeball tournament this Thursday and an all-day visit to Columbia the following Thursday.
When asked how he knew, T’all responded simply:
@KremTall
I ask Angelina.
Reyes is a senior figure within the Marmaduke Freehold household and administration. Her proximity to Marmaduke potentially gives her access to sensitive appointments involving Amazon, V’ren representatives, Freehold affairs, and visiting officials.
The disclosure raises fresh questions about the degree to which information is compartmentalized between Marmaduke’s three overlapping positions.
Neither Amazon nor the Freehold has explained what scheduling information Captain T’all is authorized to receive.
T’all subsequently added:
@KremTall
Just wait until you find out what we are all doing Friday.
The meaning of “we all” remains unclear.
Social response
- @GlobalSecurityWatch: This is no longer about darts. A senior V’ren officer apparently obtains the movements of Amazon’s Director of Alien Affairs directly from his household administration.
- @MarshallTeacher: Yes. He asks where his friend is. You have successfully reconstructed the concept of making plans.
- @NEASecurityDesk: Why would Angelina Reyes disclose the location of a senior Amazon official to a foreign military officer?
- @RollanOlegovich.ArrowRock: The good captain’s ship is literally parked in Matt’s backyard
- @EuropaPolicy: “Parked in his backyard” is not making this better.
- @SalineCountyFeed: It does if you understand what words mean.
Marshall Standard
The Classified V’ren Intelligence Network Is a Whiteboard Next to the Lunch Menu
May 9, 2440 3:47 PM
International speculation over Captain K’rem T’all’s knowledge of Matthew Marmaduke’s schedule ended rather abruptly this afternoon.
There is a whiteboard.
It is in the Homestead staff room.
Senior household personnel, guests, staff leads, and others who need to coordinate daily activities use it to keep track of where important people are expected to be.
Captain T’all can see it because he is the senior V’ren officer presently operating from the Homestead complex and spends a considerable amount of time there.
Among the highly sensitive information displayed nearby:
the local darts tournament schedule,
next week’s lunch menu,
household notices,
and a notice board currently advertising puppies and kittens.
The Standard has been unable to establish whether any of the puppies possess Amazon security clearance.
Social responses
- @ShipraShonku.ArrowRock: Here it is.
The alien spy network.
[photo: STAFF SCHEDULE]
Three feet to the left: darts.
Two feet to the right: lunch menu.
Below that: FREE KITTENS. - @EuropaCivic: Surely this board does not contain the actual movements of a sovereign ruler and senior Amazon official.
- @HomesteadStaff: Matt, 3:30, Skeeball. Yes it does.
- @GlobalSecurityWatch: This arrangement would be considered an extraordinary operational-security vulnerability in most governments.
- @CCAWatch: That is because most governments apparently require a classified briefing to tell someone the boss went to lunch.
- @GlobalSecurityWatch: This arrangement would be considered an extraordinary operational-security vulnerability in most governments.
- @HomesteadStaff: Matt, 3:30, Skeeball. Yes it does.
- @MarshallMOP:
For clarity:
The kitten notice is legitimate.
We have no jurisdiction over the puppies.
Please stop calling. - @RinaV2440: EUROPA SPENT SIX HOURS INVESTIGATING A WHITEBOARD NEXT TO “TACO SOUP TUESDAY.”
- @KremTall: The lunch menu is more useful than the schedule.
- @MattMarmaduke: Depends on the week.
- @KremTall: The lunch menu is more useful than the schedule.
